Sarah Millican is turning 40. And she gives zero fucks about it. In fact, she can’t wait.
“Life begins at 40”: so say people who are in their 40s. And mugs. Just like people in their 20s say, “Have you heard the new Yazz record? It’s exy” and people in their 70s say, “I’m in my 70s.” People on the other side of 40 and card manufacturers seem to think turning 40 is going to be bloody awful and that the only possible way you can handle it is by getting absolutely shitfaced.
This 39-year-old almost teetotaller is dealing with it in a different way: I’m really looking forward to it. I haven’t been a new decade in a while and I’ve always thought that women in their 40s are very together, focused, wear pencil skirts and know how to tie a silk scarf. As an unsophisticated 39-year-old, I ran a silk scarf down my leg a few months ago, like they do in the adverts for depilatory cream, and it’s been there ever since. I now have to tuck it into my socks.
“I don’t wind my windows up at traffic lights any more. It’s about time the world heard a little more Go West.”
I think your 30s are for finding your way.
• For learning how to eat in restaurants alone. NAILED. Tip: take a book, newspaper or read this here magazine on your phone. Another tip: pretend you have a friend joining you later and order two dinners. Eat both dinners.
• For learning how to say no. NAILED. Tip: think of how uncomfortable it is to say no and compare it to how fucked off you’ll be when the yes appears in your diary. Another tip: you don’t always have to give reasons. Just look a bit sad at having to say no – then say no.
• For surrounding yourself with excellent people. NAILED. Tip: your friends are a reflection of you. I sometimes arrogantly twirl around the house at how brilliant my friends are. Another tip: be a good friend. It’s almost the best thing you can be.
• For accepting who you are and not apologising for it. NAILED. Tip: I’m never going to be a size 10. I like eating and I like having big tits. Another tip: I don’t wind my windows up at traffic lights any more. It’s about time the world heard a little more Go West.
So, surely your 40s are about living that life you’ve created. Reading in a café alone, dancing in your nightie to whatever music you love, spending time with quality mates and hopefully never feeling obliged to say yes to a thing. All in pencil skirts and silk scarves tied a multitude of ways.
Forty is also a new start. I want to be healthier. With a tiny wink at my mortality, before the end of yesterday, my last day of being 39, I booked appointments for the doctors, dentist and optician. My 40 MOT is in my diary. I’m ready. I’m pumped to get slightly healthier. Life continues at 40.5181 Views
Sarah Millican is a comedian, writer, reformed workaholic, feminist, cat and dog mam, wife and lover of food.