Written by Various Artists

Voices

If I die, think only this of me

All good things come to an end, so for Plan Your Epitaph Day (yeah it’s a thing) we put some thought into how we’d like to be remembered.

gravestone
Sarah Ledger
I dread dying in an amusing way – tripping over a string of sausages and falling down the stairs or something – and then everyone at my funeral laughing and saying, “It’s what she would have wanted.”
So just to set the record straight, it’s not. I want full mourning, a solemn service and the TARDIS sound effect as the curtains close round my coffin. And my epitaph? “Beloved, respected, missed.”
@sezl

Hazel Davis
I’d like what a former editor once said to me, “She’d have been great on Smash Hits.” Still the best thing anyone’s ever said to me.
@hazedavis

Jen Offord
On the basis that I seem to remind anyone I’m ever romantically involved with that they are still in love with their ex: “She was good, but she was not the one.”
@inspireajen

Dotty Winters
She proceeded until apprehended.
@DottyWinters

Annabel Giles
She did her best.
@Annabel_Giles

JoJo Smith
Nevertheless she persisted.
@MissJoJoSmith

Hannah Dunleavy
She never married. Which means you probably owe her a tenner.
@thatdunleavy

Suze Kundu
In death as in life, still holding out for that growth spurt.
@FunSizeSuze

Sooz Kempner
Her bed was her office.
@SoozUK

Julie Balloo
Where’s my phone?
@julieballoo

Sarah Hendrickx
Quiet, at last.
@sarah_hendrickx

Cal Wilson
In very small lettering: “If you’re reading this, you’re standing on my face.”
@Calbo

Sophie Scott
When I was very young we found this epitaph for a dog on a memorial outside Fishguard in Pembrokeshire: “Stop stranger! Stop and shed a tear. For Frantic the Hound lies buried here.” I’d like that and also please start to call me Frantic, thank you.
@sophiescott

Susan Hanks
She was always patient and kind, except when she was hungry.
@susan_hanks

Lili la Scala
She lived. She loved.
@lili_la_scala

Justine Brooks
Don’t fuck with me.
@JustineFBrooks

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Written by Various Artists

Some of Standard Issue's brilliant women's carefully crafted words for your reading pleasure.