Written by Tania Edwards


A euphemism a day keeps the shrink at bay

As a fairly new mum, Tania Edwards is learning to moderate her language. And recalling a few old favourites.

pile of sugar
By day, I play house with my baby. By night, I gig. By later at night, I nurse my baby and remember sleep.

I also remember an English teacher who told me off when I was a kid for saying, “Shhhh…ugar”. “Don’t use euphemisms in my class,” she said, briskly. “If you want to say shit, say shit.”

Well, it turns out ‘shit’ is just a euphemism for ‘fuck’.

This is a glossary of my other findings (first-hand and observed) since life changed for the better.*

*Better / Worse
Cooking supper / Burning toast
I’m a domestic goddess / Sorry, that’s ruined
Feeding the baby / Eating baby food
Cleaning / Eating baby food off floor
Sugar / Shit
Demerara / I’M TRAPPED
Sleep / Botox
That’s a lovely picture / Look at MY pictures
I’m tired / You’re boring
I’m really tired / Am I this boring?
He knocked it over / Erm, I knocked that over


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Written by Tania Edwards

Tania Edwards is a standup comedian and writer.