As a fairly new mum, Tania Edwards is learning to moderate her language. And recalling a few old favourites.
I also remember an English teacher who told me off when I was a kid for saying, “Shhhh…ugar”. “Don’t use euphemisms in my class,” she said, briskly. “If you want to say shit, say shit.”
Well, it turns out ‘shit’ is just a euphemism for ‘fuck’.
This is a glossary of my other findings (first-hand and observed) since life changed for the better.*
EUPHEMISM / FOR
*Better / Worse
Cooking supper / Burning toast
I’m a domestic goddess / Sorry, that’s ruined
Feeding the baby / Eating baby food
Cleaning / Eating baby food off floor
Sugar / Shit
Demerara / I’M TRAPPED
Sleep / Botox
That’s a lovely picture / Look at MY pictures
I’m tired / You’re boring
I’m really tired / Am I this boring?
He knocked it over / Erm, I knocked that over
Tania Edwards is a standup comedian and writer.