Written by Various Artists


QOTM: What’s your worst habit?

We asked our regular contributors to ‘fess up to their worst habits. But in the end we decided to celebrate them instead. Form an orderly line, fellas…

Illustration by Louise Boulter.

Illustration by Louise Boulter.

Sarah Hendrickx
Chin hair plucking. I have a pair of tweezers in every room in my flat and in the car. I used to refrain from doing it on public transport and in restaurants, but not anymore. My partner takes photos of me doing it unawares. I found an earwax collection stuck to my partner’s bedside lamp a month or so ago. He fishes it out of his ear with a hairgrip.

Tanya Barrow
When nobody is watching and I’m bored I watch videos on YouTube of people bursting spots or cysts. The ones that properly squirt are my favourites.

Abi Bliss
Absent-mindedly stepping backwards without looking behind me first. I nearly knocked over the cake at a wedding reception by doing that once.

Hannah Dolan
I love watching YouTube videos of tonsil stones being removed. I’ve also recently stopped pissing in the shower (husband was NOT happy when I mentioned it in passing) and sometimes after wiping my arse I have a little sniff and OCCASIONALLY squish it in the loo roll, just to check.

Sooz Kempner
I watch makeup tutorial videos on YouTube. Like, an alarming amount. I cannot stop.

Daisy Leverington
I bite the inside of my mouth like some kind of gurning coke-fiend. It’s just anxiety, unfortunately. Can’t afford drugs any more.

Ruth Bratt
I pick my feet so much I make them bleed. I currently have a verruca that will not die and I pick at it on a daily basis. I have to get into an odd position to do it, so I often get cramp. This does not stop me picking my feet.

Cal Wilson
I constantly chew things. Lids off pens, tops off bottles, little bits of plastic, the ends of cords in hoodies. When I was 10, I chewed the casing off the electric blanket cord while it was plugged in. I didn’t die (clearly) but the blanket did start smouldering not long afterwards. Parents not happy. Didn’t cure the chewing. I seem to have passed it on to my seven-year-old who has started nibbling holes in the knees of his trousers.

Dotty Winters
I put my Mooncup in the dishwasher (I rinse it first; I’m not a savage). Also, I wear dark nail polish rather than clean my fingernails.

“I took my car for its MOT and suddenly clocked a heap of chewed-off nails in the door pocket that I had to scrabble around to get rid of.”

Jessica Fostekew
I bite my toenails. I think of it as yoga and grooming in one. Sometimes I do it on the toilet. I also once blew my nose into a tea towel, absent-mindedly, at the start of a relationship, right in front of him. Still with him.

Kiri Pritchard-McLean
I love squeezing spots. It requires all my willpower not to ask strangers if I can have a go on them if I see any blackheads.

Ashley Davies
I use a razor to shave hard, dead skin from my feet then nibble my findings in the bath.

Amanda Trickett
I nibble my nails when stuck in traffic. Which, when I used to commute, was ALL the time. I took my car for its MOT and suddenly clocked a heap of chewed-off nails in the door pocket that I had to scrabble around to get rid of. Bad habit 2: I don’t clean my car as much as I should.

Hazel Davis
I scratch my back with cutlery and rearrange my pubes while I’m doing phone interviews.

Sarah Millican
I’m all about the cotton buds. Yes, I know they’re not for your ears. Nothing smaller than your elbow should go in your ears, etc, etc. But, by God, I bloody love a good howk (Geordie word for scratch) of my lugs.

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Written by Various Artists

Some of Standard Issue's brilliant women's carefully crafted words for your reading pleasure.