We asked our regular contributors to ‘fess up to their worst habits. But in the end we decided to celebrate them instead. Form an orderly line, fellas…
Chin hair plucking. I have a pair of tweezers in every room in my flat and in the car. I used to refrain from doing it on public transport and in restaurants, but not anymore. My partner takes photos of me doing it unawares. I found an earwax collection stuck to my partner’s bedside lamp a month or so ago. He fishes it out of his ear with a hairgrip.
When nobody is watching and I’m bored I watch videos on YouTube of people bursting spots or cysts. The ones that properly squirt are my favourites.
Absent-mindedly stepping backwards without looking behind me first. I nearly knocked over the cake at a wedding reception by doing that once.
I love watching YouTube videos of tonsil stones being removed. I’ve also recently stopped pissing in the shower (husband was NOT happy when I mentioned it in passing) and sometimes after wiping my arse I have a little sniff and OCCASIONALLY squish it in the loo roll, just to check.
I watch makeup tutorial videos on YouTube. Like, an alarming amount. I cannot stop.
I bite the inside of my mouth like some kind of gurning coke-fiend. It’s just anxiety, unfortunately. Can’t afford drugs any more.
I pick my feet so much I make them bleed. I currently have a verruca that will not die and I pick at it on a daily basis. I have to get into an odd position to do it, so I often get cramp. This does not stop me picking my feet.
I constantly chew things. Lids off pens, tops off bottles, little bits of plastic, the ends of cords in hoodies. When I was 10, I chewed the casing off the electric blanket cord while it was plugged in. I didn’t die (clearly) but the blanket did start smouldering not long afterwards. Parents not happy. Didn’t cure the chewing. I seem to have passed it on to my seven-year-old who has started nibbling holes in the knees of his trousers.
“I took my car for its MOT and suddenly clocked a heap of chewed-off nails in the door pocket that I had to scrabble around to get rid of.”
I bite my toenails. I think of it as yoga and grooming in one. Sometimes I do it on the toilet. I also once blew my nose into a tea towel, absent-mindedly, at the start of a relationship, right in front of him. Still with him.
I love squeezing spots. It requires all my willpower not to ask strangers if I can have a go on them if I see any blackheads.
I use a razor to shave hard, dead skin from my feet then nibble my findings in the bath.
I nibble my nails when stuck in traffic. Which, when I used to commute, was ALL the time. I took my car for its MOT and suddenly clocked a heap of chewed-off nails in the door pocket that I had to scrabble around to get rid of. Bad habit 2: I don’t clean my car as much as I should.
I scratch my back with cutlery and rearrange my pubes while I’m doing phone interviews.
I’m all about the cotton buds. Yes, I know they’re not for your ears. Nothing smaller than your elbow should go in your ears, etc, etc. But, by God, I bloody love a good howk (Geordie word for scratch) of my lugs.
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