Written by Various Artists


QOTM: Top Table

It’s question of the month time! But we’ve turned it into a whole feature (Lazy? No. Shhh). This time we asked our contributors to tell us the five (living) people they’d invite to a dinner party.

Illustration by Claire Jones.

Illustration by Claire Jones.

Sooz Kempner
Bridget Christie, Stewart Lee, Amy Schumer, Stephen Sondheim and Nigel Farage. I’d like to see what happens and then I fancy a bit of a sing-song.

Susan Hanks
Daniel Craig. The other four places would be set for security staff. For his sake, obviously. Only fair I give him some sort of chance.

Sarah Millican
Me, John Barrowman and some audience members.

Camilla King
Graham Norton, Rob Lowe, Judi Dench, Tina Fey, James McAvoy. I basically have a crush on all these people, regardless of their or my sexual orientation, and I reckon dinner with them would be an orgy of joy.

Hannah Dunleavy
Tina Fey, Willie Nelson, Don McCullin, Peter Dinklage and Jo Brand. Because I love them all for different reasons and none of them seem the sort to point out that I can’t cook.

Siân Bevan
Liza Minnelli, Amy Poehler, Victoria Wood, Alan Bennett and Jarvis Cocker. I think Liza and Alan would get on famously. (This game is HARD. I now have guilt about all the people who I’ve never met who I didn’t invite to the imaginary dinner party I’ll never have. I’m so sorry Malala… I just REALLY fancy Jarvis Cocker.)

Kiri Pritchard-McLean
My mum, my dad, my two brothers and my other half because we don’t sit round the table eating and laughing nearly as much as we should.

Claire Goodwin
Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith, Victoria Wood, Dawn French and my husband. All the people (apart from Rik Mayall) that have shown me how to laugh. I’d also like the whole cast of Airplane. Have you ever seen a grown man naked?

Liz Buckley
All of Take That. Just to get the band back together.

Juliet Meyers
David Sedaris for his storytelling and wit, Rick Stein because his TV programme recently inspired me to go to Greece to eat fish, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie for her outlook and because I love her books, Cesar Milan, the dog whisperer guy and then either Nadiya from Bake Off or Mo Farah because he’s great and I want to see if he really likes Quorn like he says he does in the ads.

Hannah Dolan
Bob Mortimer, Greg Davies, Roisin Conaty and my husband. Plus Noel Fitzpatrick from The Supervet because he deserves a lovely evening. I wouldn’t cook, no one wants that.

Daisy Leverington
My daughter and four babysitters.

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Written by Various Artists

Some of Standard Issue's brilliant women's carefully crafted words for your reading pleasure.