Trip Advisor covers hotels, cities, adventures, even goddamn cups of coffee. But who is reviewing the toilets? Enter Felicity Ward with the first in her series of loo reviews.
As a comedian and irritable bowel syndrome sufferer (sorry boys, this one’s taken), the state of a public toilet is serious and necessary.
LOCATION: Melbourne Airport
OCCASION: Leaving the country
URGENCY: Casual visit
Classic airport loo: standard back-of-door advertising, plenty of cubicles, and enough space for international travel luggage and a hefty shit. Where the quality usually varies in an airport facility is cleanliness, and this one is top shelf. Not a loose bit of paper or lost child on the floor anywhere.
However, the real selling point of this particular convenience is the Dyson Airblade. If you haven’t experienced the mano-a-airblade experience, then you haven’t lived. In just 10 short seconds the moisture from your (hopefully) washed hands is blasted away – like dunking your hands in a windy toaster. Depending on age/skin elasticity it’s great entertainment for the kids, watching the air create fleshy waves on the surface of your drying hands.
Smell: Neutral (as good as a 10)
Special features: The Dyson Airblade
Flush: Classic flush and half flush on a very standard, visible, pared down wall button.
Music: None. Bit of a drawback, as no one likes to hear the goings on in your friendly neighbourhood john.
Recommend to a friend: Unless you fancy a 20-minute walk over multiple highways to a crusty petrol station, then yes, obviously.
Overall: Originality is the only thing steering this toilet away from a higher score. There’s no outstanding features, or something that gives it that je ne sais quoi, like a mural, or a shrine to Steve Guttenberg. That’s why this toilet is getting 8.5/10.
Felicity Ward is an Australian comedian, writer, actor and full time knucklehead, based in the UK.