Hannah Warman has a corking idea: it involves making 2016 disappear and a song.
Obviously, if you’ve had a baby or lost weight or got a great new job (or maybe the baby IS the lost weight and the great new job), then you might not be so keen to delete the entire last year.
Still, let me see if I can persuade you.
This year has been mostly disaster and death. Practically all my heroes died (and perhaps some of yours too); David Bowie, Prince, Victoria Wood, Caroline Aherne, Gene Wilder, Garry Shandling, Maurice White and Terry Wogan.
I’d like to say they’re all being brilliant in heaven but I kind of think they only exist by the art they’ve left us to look at and listen to on this relentless revolving rock. And now there’s a lunatic reality TV star who speaks in badly-written catchphrases with hair made out of some kind of vapour, who has been put in the White House in charge of the nuclear codes.
The deleting of 2016 is for the greater good. We can try it again and do it right this time.
Also, you’ll be a year younger! Or in my case I’ll feel a little bit less of a liar as I stick to the age I’ve claimed to be for the last five years. It’s weird because I have a twin sister and she’s become significantly older than me lately.
And that’s the magic of time. It’s sort of all made up. To Jewish people the year is 5777 and to the Western world it’s 2016, but the truth is the earth is probably over four and a half billion years old so what’s the harm in deleting one itsy bitsy year?
So let’s cancel the latest season of Earth because it was a shitshow.
Please sign my petition to delete 2016 by listening to my song, available soon on iTunes.5274 Views
Hannah is a writing, sleeping, singing food-loving doodler. She is also 50 per cent of comedy sketch group Warm and Ashdown and can often be heard on Resonance FM panel show The Other Woman.