If you’re a regular visitor to Standard Issue, you won’t need telling that we’re lucky enough to have a cracking team of contributors who we love dearly. We thought it was about time we let them introduce themselves properly. Please meet Fiona Longmuir.
Name: Fiona Longmuir
Official job title: Undergraduate admissions officer. I know, I know, the glamour never ends.
What was the first thing you wanted to be? An inventor. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and Casper were and continue to be enormous influences in my life. I wanted a breakfast-making machine more than I’ve ever wanted anything.
I did invent a contraption to turn my bedroom light on and off from my bed, before my mum pronounced it a hazard and made me dismantle it. Killjoy. Trying to stop me electrocuting myself. So unreasonable.
When did you know you wanted to be what you are now? I don’t even know what I am now.
What’s your strongest memory from school/education? Inventing a game called Chase the Ace during a free period in my final year. Someone takes the ace of spades from a pack of cards, sticks it to their forehead and runs away. Whoever makes it back to the common room with the ace stuck on their head wins. Brilliant fun; 10/10 would recommend.
When you’re not working, what else do you like to do? I love to write, so I can usually be found scribbling in one of my million notebooks. I’m a dreadful stationery hoarder. When I’m not doing that, I like to read, hang out on Twitter trying to be funny, hold one-person dance parties in my living room and daydream about where I’m gonna travel after I win the lottery/land a massive publishing deal.
What has been your proudest creative moment to date? I wrote a book! That was pretty awesome. I decided to take part in National Novel Writing Month last year and penned a 50,000 word young adult novel, The Waiting Room, about a kid called Jess trying to escape a corrupt afterlife.
Jess has to navigate bloodthirsty demons, surly receptionists, mischievous imps and the most ill-timed romance of her life, all while trying to wrap her head around the fact that she’s dead. I’m well chuffed with it.
What would you like to erase from your past? I’m glad that everything I’ve done has got me to where I am now. But if I could go back, I’d tell myself not to let boys be mean to me. And that getting a blunt fringe will not make me look like Anne Hathaway in The Devil Wears Prada.
What brings you the most joy? My favourite people. Dancing. Large bodies of water. Salted caramel anything.
What makes you angry? Injustice. Teenagers on public transport.
Professionally, who has been your biggest inspiration? Harriet the Spy.
Have you ever met someone who made you go weak at the knees? My lovely other half does it on a regular basis. Irish accents, freckles and blue eyes will do that to a girl.
How do you define success? Whatever fills you with joy.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever had? Go ahead and give it a go. Why the hell not?
What’s your favourite photograph of yourself?
I particularly enjoy this one of me having wandered knee deep into a snowdrift. A perfect example of the above advice in action. I was on an impromptu adventure with my favourite person and the two of us laughed so much I worried I might fall back into the snowdrift. Also, my hair looks awesome.
Where did you go on your favourite holiday? My mum, my sister and I spent a week in Rome and Villefranche laughing, getting drunk on prosecco and eating all the cheese covered carbs we could lay hands on. They are my faves.
What can’t you live without? Books. Peanut butter. Inky pens. Lipstick.
What do you consider your greatest achievement? The people around me.
Who is your favourite person? David Tennant. And the boyfriend, I guess.
Who’s your favourite animal? My gigantic eejit of a dog, Juno. She barks at umbrellas and people on scooters, reverses if you make beeping noises at her and would do literally anything in exchange for cheese.
Which song could be used to soundtrack your life so far? I like to play Roll to Me by Del Amitri really loud and pretend I’m in a corny uplifting movie.
What are your favourite three articles at Standard Issue? This When I Grow Up… article by Annie Caulfield was one of the first things I ever read on Standard Issue and it still makes me snort laugh every time I read it.
I absolutely adore Sadie Hasler’s article on the four letter c-word, although I haven’t quite mustered the courage to start using it in the sense she suggests.
And this one might be cheating, but the Standard Issue ladies reading Emmeline Pankhurst’s Why We Are Militant made me cry the first time I watched it and still gives me goosebumps.
Which question would you have liked to answer in this questionnaire, but weren’t asked? Can we bake you a cake as thanks for your excellent answers? Yes, you most certainly can.1402 Views