Written by Hayley Ellis


Beast of the Week: Grumpy gorillas, a cockatoo Elvis and a feeder bird

There’s nothing Hayley Ellis likes more than captivating videos of animals going about their daily doings. She shares the best of them at Standard Issue for our unadulterated pleasure.


Hello, and welcome to the latest Beast of the Week round up, where I “force my obsession with animals onto others” according to my other half.

This week I’m going to tell you all about animals with daft names. Excited?

Now, as a human I don’t think we really have that much room to mock (I once worked with a man called Lucifer). However these animals really have been cursed with the cruellest parents. God deffo doesn’t love all his children.

Exhibit one is the Spiny Lumpsucker. The Spiny Lumpsucker is a type of fish that lives in the waters of the Arctic, North Atlantic, and North Pacific oceans.

I personally think its name makes it sound like it should be in the film Bugsy Malone as one of Fat Sam’s gangsters.

Apparently they stick themselves to the surfaces of rocks. Well I suppose they can’t get Wi-Fi connection in the ocean, so little things must entertain.

Tasselled Wobbegong shark photo by Jon Hanson, via Wikipedia Commons.

Tasselled Wobbegong shark photo by Jon Hanson, via Wikipedia Commons.

Next up, I present the Tasselled Wobbegong. It may sound like part of the new Ann Summers collection but it is in fact a species of carpet shark. I’d rather stick with laminate flooring. The Wobbegong has a reputation for aggressive behaviour. It’s not surprising – all the other fish probably take the piss. Is there deed poll in the ocean?

But my favourite name is that of the Bone-Eating Snot-Flower Worm. The worms like to eat the dead corpses of animals that have sunk to the bottom of the ocean, which is what has given them the nickname ‘Zombie worm’.

I much prefer the nickname. I personally like the way such a hideous animal has the double-barrelled surname of snot-flower. That’s the equivalent of being called Smelly-Beautiful. That was my nickname at school… but without the beautiful part.

So, onwards to this week’s animal clips. I have searched high and low (looking at people’s Facebook feeds) for this week’s selection.

First up, what’s cuter than a bird feeding a dog and cat? NOTHING!

This cockatoo loves Elvis. The other cockatoo not so much. This reminds me of when I had to accompany a friend to watch Ricky Martin in concert. One of us loved it, the other hated it. She should have just been grateful I got her a birthday present at all.

And finally even gorillas get jealous when their friend gets an iPhone upgrade before them.

I’ll be back in a while with more internet gems. Until then, feel free to tweet your fav animal clips to me @hayles_ellis.

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Written by Hayley Ellis

Hayley Ellis is a full time woman and part time lover. She has been performing as a stand up comedian since 2009 @Hayles_Ellis