Written by Hannah Dunleavy

In The News

UKIP candidate calls for Spare Womb Tax

As the general election campaigning gets underway with gusto, Hannah Dunleavy learns of a UKIP policy suggestion that, quite frankly, staggers belief. #AprilFools2015

Illustration of a woman and her womb

Illustration by Louise Boulter.

Claims have surfaced today that a UKIP candidate is calling for a tax on childless women.

Mr Joe Bangles allegedly made the comments to a constituent in the village of Glaring, part of the Bore seat he is contesting in the General Election.

“We were sitting outside the pub in the sunshine,” said the woman, who does not wish to be named. “He had a pint and was smoking a cigarette, so he seemed like an OK bloke. Then suddenly he went off on one about how we should tax all those women who are failing the UK by not having kids. Especially since all the foreigners coming over here have at least 20 children each.”

The woman, who has no children despite being 35, added: “I was a bit shocked. I had been thinking of voting UKIP. But if I have to have a child now, I’m not sure how much time that’s going to leave me for other important women’s stuff like cleaning behind the fridge.”

Silver-haired Bangles, who is the 19th UKIP candidate for the seat, lists his interests as “dancing and being English”.

A spokesperson at his office was unable to confirm or deny he had made the statements, adding: “Joe Bangles firmly believes in free speech, unless it’s anti-UKIP, of course, because that’s just not fair. On this occasion, he’d had a bit a drink and/or he was joking. Or he didn’t say it. Or it’s political correctness gone mad. Was she a lesbian, the woman who said this?”

His office also confirmed Bangles was out of the country, attending a nine-day conference in Barbados entitled ‘How to Keep Your Expenses Under Control’.

The news couldn’t have come at a worse time for the party, which has had to replace so many candidates in recent months, there are rumours the unemployed may be conscripted to stand for UKIP in several seats.

Meanwhile PaddyPower is now offering odds of 9-1 on Bangles being named the next presenter of Top Gear.

@funnypunts

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Written by Hannah Dunleavy

Hannah Dunleavy is the deputy editor of Standard Issue. She likes whisky and not having to run anywhere.