Written by Various Artists

In The News

Is it time for a female Bond?

The role of 007 is free again so our writers are pitching in with their ideas of who should fill it. And there are a lot of women on the list.

If Sue Perkins were BondFiona Shaw, because she is charismatic and probably has a deadly skill set.
Sophie Scott
@sophiescott

Bond should be posh, English, well-connected, sophisticated and probably older than any potential love interest. It’s also important to believe that Bond might jump out of a helicopter or off a train at any moment, while also being willing to drink spirits. The name’s Bond, Jennie Bond.
Dotty Winters
@DottyWinters

Sue Perkins! Lesbian Bond FTW. Oh wait – GILLIAN ANDERSON SHOULD DEFINITELY BE BOND!
Alice Sanders
@wernerspenguin

Zombie Judi Dench: M returns to take on Bond’s role and persona as the living dead. Or Gonzo. Anyone but Justin Bieber.
Juliette Burton
@JulietteBurton

I’d like to see a female Bond. It’s time. She should be smart, athletic, posh and sexily intelligent with superb aim. I’m putting forward Gwendoline Christie.
Lili la Scala
@lili_la_scala

If Gewndoline Christie were BondMe. I’m an ethnic minority, tiny, woman with a brain. That defies all Bonds of the past on all levels. Also, they won’t let me be the next Doctor, so this will have to do. I have always wanted to wear a tailored tux. Anything they can do, I can do in killer heels. Not because I have to as a woman, in light of recent PWC news, but just because I am pretty competent in heels and I CAN.
Suze Kundu
@FunSizeSuze

Marge Simpson. There’s nothing that woman couldn’t handle.
Sarah Hendrickx
@bikes_bics

Idris all the way!
Karen Campbell
@kc0706

Tilda Swinton. I reckon she is already a spy so it would just be a name change for her.
Jo Tynan
@jo_tynan

Kristin Scott Thomas. She’ll rock a dinner jacket, purr one-liners before making a smooth but deadly getaway and effortlessly mix a martini.
Sarah Ledger
@sezl

Gemma Whelan please.
Jessica Fostekew
@jessicafostekew

Jennie Bond is BondThat guy who was going for a job interview at the BBC and accidentally ended up on TV as a music download expert and he thought it was part of the job interview so he just answered all the questions.
Sooz Kempner
@SoozUK

Timothy Dalton again please. He’s my favourite. Actually I might just watch Licence to Kill again.
Sarah Millican
@SarahMillican75

Gut feeling, I’m thinking MC Hammer, in Hammer Elite. He could try to do a 2legit British accent, and fight against a collection of 80s and 90s hip-hop icons. Vanilla Ice would star as ‘Nilla, the riff-stealing mastermind, etc. Irresistible action all set to a lovingly remastered soundtrack of the songs we know and love.
Taylor Glenn
@taylorglennUK

Samuel Anderson. He played Danny Pink in Doctor Who. Nuff said.
Debra-Jane Appelby
@dj_appelby

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Written by Various Artists

Some of Standard Issue's brilliant women's carefully crafted words for your reading pleasure.