Written by Hannah Dunleavy

In The News

Donkeys and Elephants

Following his announcement that women who have abortions should be “punished”, professional hairball Donald J Trump tried to extract himself from the stink by stating no one has more respect for women than he does. Now she’s stopped laughing, Hannah Dunleavy calls HORSESHIT.

Donald Trump estimates the size of his next whopper. Photo by Michael Vadon, via Wikimedia Commons.

Donald Trump estimates the size of his next whopper. Photo by Michael Vadon, via Wikimedia Commons.

I recently spent a week in the very-much-undersold Northern Ireland – a place so warm, friendly and affordable it was sometimes hard to believe I was still in the UK. And then I saw the news that a woman had been given a suspended jail sentence for terminating her pregnancy.

It came, of course, in the same week that fluff-haired guffbag Donald Trump announced his belief that women should be “punished” for having abortions, causing outrage among many women and liberals. Which might’ve done something to harm his election hopes if his main rival in the Republican race didn’t also believe that a woman should be denied the right to make decisions about her own body. Because Jesus.

Now, if you’re here, on this site, reading this, I probably don’t need to tell you why everyone’s right to bodily autonomy should be carved into the rock of the Giant’s Causeway/Mount Rushmore/Donald Trump’s forehead. And if, by any chance, you disagree with me, there’s no point me trying to dissuade you. But maybe you should stop reading now and go away and read something else. Like a book or two. Maybe start with the Bible and come back and tell me where it explicitly states that terminating a pregnancy is against God’s will.

What does interest me is how Trump chose to row back on this statement and how indicative it is of his all talk/no substance campaign.

The multi-millionaire, if you remember, was previously pro-choice, something he decided to have a change of heart on sometime prior to running for the Republican ticket.

“Are we going to end up with so many of us thrown under the bus that the wheels on the Trump-mobile stop moving?”

Now it’s important to say that if you want to win the Elephants’ primary, the sad state of affairs is that you have to be in favour of forcing women to have children that they neither want nor can afford, regardless of the impact it may have on them or the child or any other children they may have. That’s the ground zero of abortion opinion.

Whether or not you chose to go further and say things like women who have been raped must be denied abortions or that women who have them must be dragged naked through the streets or forced into internment camps, that’s between you and your God. Quite literally, apparently.

So what changed Trump’s mind? Apparently, it was the experience of some “friends” (of which he has at least one for every occasion), who were going to have an abortion and decided against it. A claim that unveils its preposterousness if you change the word abortion for something else. Dog, maybe. Or threesome. Or Fiat Punto. So, it turned out it wasn’t right for them. Best ban the fuckers.

Now, and I can’t believe I’m about to say this, while Ted Cruz may also have the vilest views on the issue of abortion, I have a modicum of respect for his position because at least he believes it. He’s not formulated this opinion ad hoc in order to appear more electable to the sort of knuckle-dragger who thinks women should suffer more by virtue of the fact they have a womb. He is one of them.

What Trump’s done is decide to throw women under a bus for the sake of political expediency, much like he’s done with Mexicans, Muslims and anyone else he thinks is expendable in the great climb to the top.

So, are we going to end up with so many of us under the bus that the wheels on the Trump-mobile stop moving?

Let’s look at how he “apologised” to the nation. Firstly he said the comments had been taken out of context and that it had been part of a longer conversation on the matter that had been cut.

MSNBC responded with the statement: “Absolutely no part of the exchange between Trump and Chris Matthews was edited out.”

“The property mogul tweeted: ‘The media is so after me on women. Wow, this is a tough business. Nobody has more respect for women than Donald Trump!’”

So, step one is to lie about what happened, ideally blaming the media.

Next up, he claimed he had “misspoken”. He had accidentally said something about abortion that he didn’t mean. Which happens all the time, right? I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve said “jail her” when what I meant was, you know, “stay the hell out her business.”

So, step two, repeat step one, with a different lie.

Then he said that he had always believed, “if in fact, abortion was outlawed, the person performing that act is responsible, not the woman.”

So, step three is rewrite history. Or you know, repeat step one.

The only thing missing from this sorry saga of Trump-isms is the threat to sue someone.

The property mogul also tweeted on the matter, saying: “The media is so after me on women. Wow, this is a tough business. Nobody has more respect for women than Donald Trump!”

So, yes, blame the media, try to invoke the personal sympathy you’d deny to a pregnant teen and then make a statement for which there can be no quantifiable proof, even though I’ve had dogs hump my leg that had more respect for womankind than this twat. (His wife, Melania, is, it appears, also a fan of this sort of statement, saying if someone hits out at Trump he will hit back “10 times as hard”. Quick, someone, fetch me my newton-meter.)

Trump also repeated the statement about respecting women on television, adding the words, “It’s a fact”, proving that either he doesn’t know what a fact is or that, in actuality, he respects no one. I suspect the latter.

Good luck women of America and Northern Ireland. You deserve better.

Read all of Donkeys and Elephants here.

@thatdunleavy

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Written by Hannah Dunleavy

Hannah Dunleavy is the deputy editor of Standard Issue. She likes whisky and not having to run anywhere.