Written by Fiona Longmuir

In The News

Dear Overweight Haters…

Police are investigating fat-shaming cards being handed out on the London Underground. Fiona Longmuir wouldn’t like the perpetrator to fall into a volcano or anything. Would she?

Tube station platformYou know that way when you’re so consumed by irrational hatred that you spend literal hours of your time thinking of ways to abuse someone? Or when the mere existence of someone drives you so crazy that you spend actual money creating and printing tiny little cards for no other reason than to hurt their feelings?

Yeah, me neither. But this is exactly what one Mystery Bearded Douchebag decided to do with his Monday. The MBD in question decided to take up a brave one-man crusade against fat people, handing out the following cards on the London tube:

Overweight Haters card

Photo: @kflorish, via Twitter.

Because obviously, the reason that there are still fat people is that we just haven’t humiliated, bullied, undermined, belittled, dehumanised and abused them enough. Oh no, no wait. That was a lie. We do that all the time.

There have been rumours flying around that this is one big publicity stunt, in which case, congratulations on your heinous, reprehensible marketing at the expense of other people’s feelings, I guess. Don’t, like, fall into a volcano on your way home or anything.

But going on the assumption that MBD was working alone, I’d like to reach out to him. Oh, MBD, my darling. Come and sit down, petal. We need to have a little chat. Although, I’m not sure how much a chat is going to help someone who actually thinks that people are starving because fat people have eaten all of the food. Fun fact: we produce more than enough food to feed everyone on the planet. In fact, one of the biggest problems we currently face is food wastage. So if anything, fat people who are fat because they eat too much should be applauded for their non-wasteful use of resources. High five, big eaters!

“Fat people do not owe it to you to look the way that you want them to. Fat people do not need to stop being fat to be worthy of respect, dignity or love.”

But here’s the thing (and you might want to sit down for this one): people do not exist to be pretty set dressing in your life. In fact, lots of them have their own lives going on at the same time as yours. I know, take a sec and let that one sink in.

Whether someone is fat, whether someone is happy, whether someone is single or has a partner is actually none of your god damn business. Fat people do not owe it to you to look the way that you want them to. Fat people do not need to stop being fat to be worthy of respect, dignity or love. Fat people deserve to feel beautiful and excellent and sassy without you feeling the need to weigh in on it. Fat people deserve to go about their day without you spewing a load of nonsensical, misspelled hatred and negativity over them.

One brand decided they’d had quite enough negativity and hatred and quite right too: we’ve got rather too much of it around. So they decided to combat it with an impeccably spelled message of positivity and love. You see, the silly sausages at Overweight Haters Ltd didn’t register their domain name. So Navabi, a plus-size fashion brand, decided to do it for them.

At OverweightHaters.com, you will find a lovely message about everyone being deserving of self-esteem, along with a handy template for ‘You Look Great’ cards, which the brand have been handing out around London. Speaking of which: you look great. Man, did you do something different with your hair? Because, I gotta tell you, that look is really working for you.

MBD, I’m sorry that you feel the need to be so incredibly rude. Seriously, it must be pretty rubbish that ruining someone else’s day is the only way you can make yourself feel important and powerful. But being mean is not a productive use of your time. Why not get a hobby instead? Maybe take up knitting or learn French? In the meantime, the rest of us are going to just keep on doing our thing. And looking great.


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Written by Fiona Longmuir

Fiona Longmuir is a professional storyteller, reluctant adult and aspiring funny girl. When not getting naked in tube stations and binge-watching inappropriate TV shows, she can be found scribbling at the Escapologist's Daughter.