Political lightweight Jane Bostock offers her regional expertise to the Conservative leader following his Greatest Living Yorkshireman reveal.
On Wednesday at the Tory conference, David Cameron declared to an enraptured nation that William Hague was the greatest living Yorkshireman, bar none.
Wow! That’s a pretty high pedestal to foist young Willie upon, isn’t it?
Perhaps like me, Dave cannot get that image of a baseball-cap-wearing Hague from 15 years ago out of his mind.
I know it’s seared onto my retina.
Yep, let’s just accept it, this fella is the embodiment of young Tory cool and greatness. Always has been.
It makes so much sense that he would be given this accolade. And don’t think for one minute he was a shoe-in.
Just cast your eyes over the Wikipedia page for famous Yorkshiremen, or since it’s 2014, why don’t we widen the remit and include women too, shall we Dave? Here’s a few selected highlights:
Renowned artist David Hockney
Playwright Alan Bennett
Acting heavyweights Dame Judi Dench and Sir Ben Kingsley
Monty Python member and grumpy traveller Michael Palin
Olympic hero Jessica Ennis
Sculptor legend Henry Moore
And of course Paul Daniels
But now I think about it Dave, you are probably right. You do, after all, have your finger on the pulse of the nation.
On the other hand, you’re a busy man, so I thought I’d do you a favour and sort you out a “you’re so hot right now” illuminati who gather under the umbrella labelled Greatest Living (insert region here) Man/Woman.
So, the next time you’re trotting around England, telling us all how we all have to learn how to save money, just remember I saved one of your highly-paid researchers a massive job.
(Feel free to repurpose the expense to fund a nurse or teacher or something. Oh never mind.)
So, without further or do, here we go with the awards for Greatest Living People by Region (it’ll be on primetime ITV this time next year):
Greatest living Londoner: David Cameron, obvs! 😉
Greatest living Midlander: Hmmm. It’s a toss up between Stan Collymore and Russ Abbot. You choose.
Greatest living North Easterner: Anyone off Geordie Shore will be smashing.
Greatest living South Easterner: Charlie Dimmock
Greatest living South Westerner: Dermot Murnaghan
You’re welcome Dave!
Standard Issue couldn’t resist pointing you in the direction of this genius offering from the ever-brilliant Cassetteboy *doffs cap*. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YBumQHPAeU
A human, like you.