Written by Janine Rudin

Health

Diary of a fat lass: Having myself a guilt-free little Christmas

Feeling crappy in head and body has prompted Janine Rudin to make some changes in her life – and make the kinds of promises to herself that are keepers. This week, she’s soaking up some Christmas spirit(s).

ginIt’s nearly Christmas and I have just had the most splendid day out with delicious food and gin. The day was topped off with the wonder of toast and chocolate in bed.

It doesn’t exactly fit in with my new healthier lifestyle, but it was bloody fantastic.

The best thing is, I didn’t even feel guilty the next day. Normally I would have been giving myself a right telling off for shovelling food in my gob; for feeling like a fat slob and how I must do better.

Not this time: I enjoyed it, I didn’t even see it as a blip. I am not a shovelling-crap-in-my-gob-fat-lass anymore but, damn it, I do enjoy food, even the crap stuff – I just eat less of it now.

Christmas is normally about slobbing on the sofa and eating, and I don’t think this year will be any different. BUT I know I won’t be diving into the chocolate box at every opportunity and I know I will be stopping when my body is full. This is a thing now. It’s new and I like it.

I eat guided by my appetite, rather than my emotions. I can’t believe I used to ignore my body. I also suspect I will get itchy to move about on Boxing Day – I like to get in my 10,000 steps – but who knows, I might just curl up with a good book and a large gin instead.

My mouth waters at the thought of the turkey, the roast potatoes, the gravy and the stuffing; not to mention the cheese, paté and crackers. I am going to enjoy it all!

And that is a massive development for me; to be able to eat food, without feeling guilty about it. Enjoying my chocolate and toast in bed and the lack of guilt afterwards made me realise how much guilt I had previously been attaching to food.

How messed up is that? I think another part of my developing relationship with food is that I don’t see it as wrong any more. I just make better choices while allowing myself to sometimes choose to eat the crap without giving myself a hard time about it.

Merry Christmas! And pass those bloody roasties.

Read the previous instalments of Janine’s diary here.

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Written by Janine Rudin

Antenatal teacher, postnatal group leader, birth & baby specialist, writer, mother, wife, friend, me. My time is spent with my family, working with parents and trying not to eat all the biscuits. @BirthandBabyCo