Lucy Sweet

Lucy Sweet

Lucy Sweet is a writer and incorrigible lard arse. Her nursery school teacher said she would never be a proper lady, and she was right.


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Lady Parts: Summer Ailments

From yeast-riddled gussets to calamine-daubed cleavage welts, Lucy Sweet ponders the array of afflictions that conspire to make our summers SUCH FUN.
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Lady Parts: Holiday Special

From enflamed fannies to 'glow in the dark devil tits', Lucy Sweet salutes the frazzled crop of poorly depilated lumps that constitute the real-life, cough, 'beach body'.
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Lady Parts: A Smart Woman’s Guide To Fartiquette

Like you, Lucy Sweet knows that women don’t smell of rose petals and daydreams, and she’s not scared to explore the festering bucket of glorious, parping, stinking humanity that is reality. In this column, she ponders the ins and outs of BUM GAS.
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Lady Parts

Ever feel like you’re carrying a bit of extra baggage? A rucksack full of dimpled lard, a lake of retained water, a blimp’s worth of lady-bloat? Then put your inflamed cankles up on the pouffe and enjoy Lucy Sweet’s guide to our tender places.
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Lady Parts: Hormones

From blubbing at University Challenge to raging because your tits are on fire and LIFE IS SO UNFAIR, Lucy Sweet ponders the carousel of emotional cackery that is the ‘time of the month’.
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Lady Parts: The Postnatal Body

After giving birth, there comes a new strain of strictly female disgustingness. But it’s all perfectly natural, so why should we pretend it isn’t happening? Lucy Sweet urges mothers everywhere to tell the world about their battered postnatal hoo-ha, and don’t stop until everyone in Asda has fainted.
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Lady Parts: Festive Special

At this time of year, ladies have to contend with all sorts of unpleasant bodily phenomena. Accordingly, this month’s Lady Parts sees Lucy Sweet explore festive fartery, bloated balloon bellies and the mysterious case of the Christmas bra buffet…
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Ripping Yarns

Rubbish at knitting? Join the club, says lifelong rubbish knitting enthusiast Lucy Sweet.
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Saints Preserve Us

Buffing your haggis in preparation for St Andrew’s Day? Adopted Scot Lucy Sweet couldnae gie a hoot.
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Lady Parts: Weird Hair

Like you, Lucy Sweet knows that women don't smell of rose petals and daydreams, and she's not scared to explore the festering bucket of glorious parping, stinking humanity that is reality. In this week’s column she faces up to WEIRD HAIR