Fiona Longmuir

Fiona Longmuir

Fiona Longmuir is a professional storyteller, reluctant adult and aspiring funny girl. When not getting naked in tube stations and binge-watching inappropriate TV shows, she can be found scribbling at the Escapologist's Daughter.


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Review: A Series of Unfortunate Events

Fiona Longmuir makes no bones about being a Lemony Snicket fan since she was a teen. But does the new Netflix series make her shiver with pleasure?
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“It is not a woman’s job to be palatable”

The Woman’s Hour ‘power list’ puts a fictional woman where there should be a real one. Sweet fancy Moses, sighs Fiona Longmuir.
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It is not our ‘right’ to know her

Journalist Claudio Gatti claims he’s ‘unmasked’ pseudonymous Italian writer Elena Ferrante. Why the fuck would he do that, asks Fiona Longmuir.
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Replay: The Great British Bake Off Live Blog #5: Pastry Week

Week Five of the Great British Bake Off was all about the pastry prowess of the remaining eight contestants. Fiona Longmuir grabbed her rolling pin before returning to live soggy-bottom-blogging duties.
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Rated or Dated: Moulin Rouge!

Baz Luhrmann’s glittering carnival of a musical turned 15 this month. Has it stood the test of time? Here's Fiona Longmuir with thoughts. And possibly sequins.
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Replay: The Great British Bake Off Live Blog: Week #3

The Great British Bake Off returned to our screens on Wednesday with a belter of a Bread Week. Fiona Longmuir kneaded to see it. And live blogged the yeasty pants off it. Relive it here.
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“Being at war with your own face is exhausting”

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so, having always had a complicated relationship with ‘beautiful’, Fiona Longmuir is retraining herself to ‘behold this, motherfucker!’ It’s going pretty well.
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How to talk to a woman who…

Self-proclaimed ‘modern man’ Dan Bacon has shared some tips on how to chat up a woman wearing headphones. Fiona Longmuir offers a few pointers he might have missed.
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I Make the Best… Pancakes

After a snap poll of Standard Issue staffers, we came to the conclusion everyone has a signature dish they’re willing to brag about. Fiona Longmuir gives a massive toss about her very Scottish pancakes.
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Yes, First Minister

Andrea Leadsom recently revealed she thought feminism was about hating men. Has she not met Nicola Sturgeon, asks Fiona Longmuir.