With the arrival of a trailer for the new season of Game of Thrones, we’re beyond-the-wall excited. Who’s really dead? What prophecies will come true? And what’s Varys hiding beneath his robes? Jenny of House Shelton rounds up her favourite fan theories.
Spoiler alert: If you haven’t seen seasons 1-5 yet, what’s the matter with you? Off you pop; we’ll see you once you’re initiated. Also contains speculation: we don’t have any more information about it than you do.
Jon is alive: He must be, right? He’s all over the posters for season six. And, while George Rrrrrrr Martin clearly isn’t afraid of bumping off important characters (especially anyone related to Ned Stark), in fact they’ve mostly been secondary. The cornerstones of the series – Jon, Daenerys and Tyrion – are (I think) still standing, with major parts yet to play. As to how he’ll come back, I’d bet my sword hand Melisandre’s Lord of Light has something to do with it. She ain’t letting his princely blood and lovely hair get away THAT easily…
Jon is a Targaryen: This, known to GoT geeks as the R+L=J theory, is one of the most popular among fans. It says that Jon Snow isn’t Ned’s son but the secret lovechild of Lyanna Stark (Ned’s dead sister) and Rhaegar Targaryen (the dead son of the Mad King, and Dany’s oldest brother – keep up). In the books, Lyanna died in a ‘bed of blood’ after making Ned keep ‘a promise’ – possibly to raise her newborn as his own.
Golden handshake: Remember that season five flashback where teenage Cersei meets a witchy-woman in the woods? In the books, she prophesises that Cersei will be choked to death by her ‘Valonqar’ – or younger brother. Presumably this means Tyrion, but Jaime, though a twin, was born second. Their rocky relationship seems headed for a dramatic end… Could this be it?
Arya kills Jon: If Jon returns as an evil Wight (stranger things have happened), could Arya’s casting off of her identity to become a servant of death be preparing her for the ultimate assassination? Does a girl have the courage to kill her favourite brother? Or, does Jon return by Arya wearing his dead face and adopting his identity? Freaky, but by that logic, highly possible.
Dog days are over? Another ‘he’s not really dead’ theory has the Hound reappearing later as a gravedigger, and possibly having a showdown with his re-animated brother, The Mountain. But after being kicked off a cliff and left to die of his wounds miles from anywhere, that seems unlikely.
Stannis is alive: Booo, Stannis! He burned his daughter at the stake because a fanatical witch with perfect breasts told him to. And I’ve seen potatoes with more personality. But when Brienne killed him (for killing Renly with his shadow-spawn), why didn’t they show it? Though lots of you want more Stan the man, I don’t think he’s coming back.
Jon and Meera are twins: OK, so Jon Snow and Bran’s curly-locked friend do look similar. But I can’t see the point of them being separated at birth, as nice as a twins reunited twist would be.
So Wight it’s wrong, Hodor is a Walker: OK, bear with. In Norse mythology, Hod was the god of cold and possessed great strength but also a weakness. Hodor is a big, strong, simple man who carries Bran north to fulfil his magical destiny. But is he delivering him into the hands of the Great Other, who will use his powers for evil?! Probably not. (But why does the trailer show Bran, standing, with a Walker?)
Bran is a time-traveller: This theory imagines ‘older Bran’ living in a terrible world overrun by White Walkers. To change the course of history, he wargs back into Jaime Lannister and pushes his younger self out the window – a scene which sets the events of the series in motion and ultimately stops the Walkers. Sounds like a plan made up by Baldrick.
Happily never after: ‘Jon and Dany get married and live happily ever after. Ice and fire. The end.’ Aww. This Facebook fan clearly doesn’t know that marriage in Westeros is unfailingly followed by unspeakable horrors. As Ramsey tells Theon: ‘If you think this has a happy ending, you haven’t been paying attention.’
Dany and Sansa rule as lesbian queens: This alternative take on the ‘fire and ice’ idea makes Dany ‘fire’ and Sansa ‘ice’. But then, why not? Sansa has almost certainly been put off men forever, and hot dragon queen Daenerys… well, nuff said.
There’s something fishy about Lord Varys: This might be the best one of all. Lord ‘sneaky bald guy’ Varys is actually a merman. Because obviously being a eunuch is a cover for hiding a huge fish tail under his flowing robes…
Got a crazy theory? Tell us on Twitter!
Game of Thrones continues 24 April, 9pm.
Who’s going to survive season six? We rate the remaining characters’ chances – and it’s not looking good for Tommen or Jorah…
Jorah Mormont: 0/10
That greyscale ain’t no passing rash. And Dany? Yeah, never going to happen.
This sweet, cherubin kinglet has as much chance in Westeros as a plump lamb that’s wandered into the lion enclosure asking for directions to the nearest stomach.
Living, unable to fend for yourself, on the doorstep of a race of murderous undead ISN’T doing yourself any great favours.
Ramsay Bolton: 5/10
Evil sadists either meet a just, gruesome end – or they don’t. So I’m sitting on the fence here.
Brienne of Tarth: 7/10
If GoT has taught us anything, it’s that honest, honourable folk don’t last. But please, can she survive long enough for Jaime to realise she’s worth giving his right arm for?
Death? Pah! He’s way too crafty for that!
Because, simply, we’d all stop watching if he went.
Jenny is a writer and displaced northerner who has danced, baked, flown planes and hugged giant seals in the name of journalism. She is also a secret birdwatcher, serial book-buyer and sucker for a Sunday night costume drama.