Written by Various Artists


Outside in

It’s National Picnic Week but, as most of us would be lying in water if we dined alfresco right now, we’ve listed some of our favourite picnic scenes in films and TV.

Mad Men picnic

Picture-perfect picnic? Photo: AMC.

Mad Men

The exquisite pre-break-up Draper family finish up their lunch on a pristine, green riverbank. Don (Jon Hamm) throws his empty drink container into the water and Betty (January Jones) shakes the rubbish off the picnic blanket and they pack up the car, leaving all their crap on the damn grass. What a shower of good-looking ARSEHOLES.

Cruel Intentions

On a blanket in Central Park, Kathryn Merteuil (Sarah Michelle Gellar), dressed as a newly widowed Mafia wife, seduces Cecile Caldwell (Selma Blair) with sexy fruit and hairbrushing – the weapons of choice for faux-lesbian cinematic sexual predators. As part of an evil plan to rob Cecil of her innocence, she ‘teaches’ her how to French kiss and, girrrl, does it work. Never has a string of alfresco snog saliva incited such excitement.

The Sound of Music

Maria (Julie Andrews), newly liberated from her nunnery on account of her krazee ’tude, takes her future stepchildren (SORRY – SPOILER) out for lunch in an Alpine meadow. She’s wearing a pinafore dress; they’re wearing curtains.

Photo: 20th Century Fox.

Someone always has to spoil it by bringing a guitar. Photo: 20th Century Fox.

After a very Instagram-friendly lunch she gets out the gee-tar and Do-Re-Mi, the most confusing introduction to music, begins. It’s bloody wonderful.


Ah, the movie that made millionsh of people want to become wine expertsh. Our four key characters are indulging in delicious booze and gourmet nosh in the Napa Valley sunshine. Director Alexander Payne reportedly told them to just “go have a picnic”, with no lines or direction, and the result was just lush.

Sideways picnic

The gruelling underbelly of the acting profession. Photo: Fox Searchlight.


During a delightful picnic in the 1996 movie of the Jane Austen classic, Mr Churchill (Ewan McGregor) challenges everyone to tell an entertaining story, and Emma (Gwyneth Paltrow) is a rotten bitch to the poor and timid Miss Bates (Sophie Thompson).

The best line, though, comes from Mr Knightley (Jeremy Northam, swoon) shortly afterwards, when he admonishes the protagonist for being such a bully. “Badly done, Emma. Badly done. Humbling her and laughing at her in front of people who would be guided by your treatment of her.”

Sam Peckinpah’s Salad Days

Monty Python’s mash-up of a jolly Edwardian-style musical and gritty bloodbath. Need we say more?

Hannah Dunleavy, Camilla King, Ashley Davies, Karen Campbell and Debra-Jane Appelby

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Written by Various Artists

Some of Standard Issue's brilliant women's carefully crafted words for your reading pleasure.