Kitchen Gigs

Sick of being the only grey-tinged gal amid an ocean of bald blokes at gigs, Vicky Lindsay Warburton decided to start holding her own. Kind of. Grab your utensils and get ready to mosh not mash.

raised forksEach morning I enter stage right onto my kitchen dance floor, eyes like Penfold, calmly feeling a way to the fountain of hope (the kettle). My senses carry me through; one knows one’s habitat. The other day though, I caught an abnormal waft. Ignoring it, as with many life wafts, I cracked on.

Minutes passed but this new smell was surrounding me fast: something was afoot, red alert was triggered. My scent sense offered decaying cakes? A mouldy sweet whiff which I knew was behind me. Like a brave kitchen warrior, I heel-spun to face the culprit.

Kitchen Gigs watermelonOur gigantic, massive, zeppelin sized watermelon had fucking EXPLODED! Eh? Really? Dripping everywhere with a withered pathetic watermelon carcass, looking like Pac-Man pissing himself at me on the worktop. Red runny blubber everywhere, running down the cupboards, in the cupboards, on the floor. A splatter of diarrhoea-like proportions; only with no throne to capture the splat in.

Paperwork and general life debris had all been caught in the combustion. Another calm start to the day and to add to the first world pressure we were less than prepared for the fun school activity which was, of course, ‘dress as a GREEK day’ – an ancient Greek, that is. Why? Who knows.

The three cracking tracks below were blasted that morning, while I pondered my daily lack of control of EVERYTHING, even freaking fruit. Exploding watermelon stories on the back of a postcard please.

On the boil: Brace For Impact (Live a Little) by Sturgill Simpson, from the album A Sailor’s Guide to Earth

Mr Sturgill Simpson has brought country music to its knees. The Kentucky-born singer-songwriter has released his third album, his first on a major label (Atlantic). He is boiling hot in the music world right now, redefining the sound of the genre with an alternative psyched-up country. A postmodern cowboy, he shoots out his influences of modern physics and social consciousness, blasting the typical heartbreak and drinking songs out of the saloon.

Sturgill Simpson coverHis previous two albums earned him that major label, and yes, they are THAT GOOD. This, though, is a concept album; A Sailor’s Guide to Earth is for his child, father to son, Mr Sturgill to Sturgill junior; inspired by a death letter written by his own grandfather stationed abroad during WWII. Our hero offers his advice through his tracks, metaphorically navigating life through storms and temptations.

Maybe I’ll play it to my kids when the time is right. Imagine preparing for a dad life-talk and he just whacks on his album drawling, “Listen to this son, I’m off to shoot some fruit.” He is one deep thinking dude.

Simmering: Groove It Out by LoneLady, from the album Hinterland

LoneLady (Julie Campbell) is quietly clawing her way from the urban grind. A stark, electronic muso dream, who’s developed her minimal craft using basic machines; a four-track cassette recorder in her Manchester tower block provided her with the sharp edges she needed to find her style.

Lonelady coverInspired by her urban landscape, mental space and the everyday, this art-school wondergal has evolved from her solo early gigs to surrounding herself with a live band, which she looks more than the part fronting. Her danceable tracks are gaining her more and more disciples, whether she wants them or not.

Now supporting the likes of New Order, it’s clear she’s almost at the top of one of her Ballardian tower blocks, from which this ginger lone eagle will certainly soar. This track is a guaranteed floor-filler, a body jerker and perfect start to a Kitchen Gig when you need an escape from the rat race.

In the deep freeze: Watermelon Man by Herbie Hancock, from the album Takin’ Off

This month, I hauled a Jazz legend out of my deep freeze. If you don’t know the piano great Herbert Jeffery ‘Herbie’ Hancock, you’ll know this track.

By the age of 11, this child prodigy was playing with the Chicago symphony orchestra, tinkling out Mozart. Now, at 76 years young he’s got 14 Grammy awards next to his bus pass. A practising Nichiren Buddhist, a family man and all-round good guy he’s still going, and of course, he’s still touring.

Herbie Hancock coverWatermelon Man was released on his first album Takin’ Off in 1962, on the infamous Blue Note Label. His talent was honed in on by the legendary Miles Davis, who asked him to join his band. Herbie’s transcended genres and was one of the pioneers in introducing electronic music into jazz.

Slip on your smoking jacket, turn down the lights and fumble your way around. Sometimes a woman just needs jazz. No words to distract, just the music to move you as you retrieve pieces of a splattered Watermelon Man.

Check out all of Vicky’s kitchen gigs here.


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Written by Vicky Lindsay Warburton

Vicky is reintegrating back into society as her children are now in school. She teaches mindfulness to teenagers, wears trainers and paddles through the nonsense of life.