Kitchen Gigs

Sick of being the only grey-tinged gal amid an ocean of bald blokes at gigs, Vicky Lindsay Warburton decided to start holding her own. Kind of. Grab your utensils and get ready to mosh not mash.

raised forks
The view from the kitchen window looks out over the vast lawn. OK, the small grass patch. Hang on, my ‘lawn’ is looking tired. In fact it’s piss poor: balding, mossy and flowering. I reached for the Weed and Feed, a sprinkling of magic mini-balls promising a lush green, Olympic-pool sized lawn. Pouring heavily I waited (cue guilt when chemical realisation hit).

Did it work? Partially yes. My alopecia garden has some amazing patches of grass but, LOTS of black patches. Very bald patches, reminiscent of Kenyan plains à la The Lion King. Taking inspiration from this sight, our offspring now sing out the line from said story: “Ah Zabenya” (pronounced arse-a-bet-knee-ya). They hold the note for as long as possible.

Roll on one Thursday morning when the big dad Lion King of our house got on his hands and knees on the decking and over our Kenyan plain let out the loudest “Arse-a-bet-knee-ya!” the cul-de-sac had ever heard. A man in his element, man-gown and undies, his lioness falling about hysterical in the kitchen, music turned off for once. The kids weren’t really sure, again.

Our boy decided to tell another mum about the morning performance on our way to school who commented, “I married the wrong man.” There are no secrets with children – or a wife who writes for Standard Issue. In this month’s Kitchen Gigs I’ve selected tracks to get you unleashing your inner beast in your outdoor space… and your smalls. Sing out.

kidsticks album coverOn the boil: 1973 by Beth Orton, from the album Kidsticks

Breathy Beth is back in our ears with her sixth long player. This lush six-footer who combined the genres of folk and electronica resides in sunny California these days and has left her acoustic guitar behind on this, her latest offering.

Produced on a tight budget and crafted through blood, sweat and tears, Orton’s thrown her formulaic toys out of the pram and gone back to a self without constraints with Kidsticks. She is boiling hot once again and the single 1973 is an hors d’oeuvres to savour. Out on the ANTI label, Andrew Hung of Fuck Buttons was the cool kid to help Beth produce this patchwork of sounds featuring keyboard loops and fancy technical tweaks and twerks which eventually blend into the 10 dazzling tracks of Kidsticks.

Simmering: If Rah by Underworld, from the album Barbara Barbara, We Face a Shining Future

These lads/blokes are back together, with their first proper album for half a decade. Credible to the last, I’ve bought in again.

underworld coverKarl Hyde and Rick Smith got together in 1980 to form a British electronic band and remain the beating heart of Underworld, with various vessels flowing in and out of the band over the years, most notably DJ Darren Emerson with whom they forced out the epic mind-mangling Dubnobasswithmyheadman.

In 2014 I watched a performance of this knee trembler in its entirety with an audience full of gravers (old ravers who should now know better). When the lights came up my dance partners were couples in their 50s, both in woolly jumpers. Grave ON.

This album has been dubbed their ‘creative rebirth’. It’s bloody well good tackle. Now get on all fours in your summer sweater and Rah in your garden.

In the deep freeze: Ramble On by Led Zeppelin, from the album Led Zeppelin II

In their day these guys looked like lions. They were, still are, kings of the rock genre. One of the bestselling bands of all time with nine great albums under their belt. Which was the best Led Zeppelin: I, II, III or IV? The second featured Ramble On, penned by Jimmy Page and Robert Plant, and in my kitchen often hauled out of the deep freeze to ward off evil ‘Mordor-esque’ spirits.

led zeppelin iiI’m having it in print that Ramble On, released in 1969, is the BEST Led Zep song EVER. Simply because it blew my teen mind realising this song was referencing The Lord of The Rings by Tolkien. They loved it too; a moment of revelation to savour in a world back then, devoid of the internet when bands were mysterious.

Mr Jimmy Page kicks it off, his acoustic guitar accompanied by Bonham’s rhythmic pitter patter. It builds to a chorus where the listener joins Robert Plant to Ramble On together. Plant’s iconic voice is on a plane above the rest of us. In my dreams he’s on my Kenyan plain, screaming “Arse-a-bet-knee-ya!”

Check out all of Vicky’s kitchen gigs here.


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Written by Vicky Lindsay Warburton

Vicky is reintegrating back into society as her children are now in school. She teaches mindfulness to teenagers, wears trainers and paddles through the nonsense of life.