Kitchen gigs

Sick of being the only grey-tinged gal amid an ocean of bald blokes at gigs, Vicky Lindsay Warburton decided to start holding her own. Kind of. Grab your utensils and get ready to mosh not mash.

raised forks
This month I have mostly been staring at a bottle of Squirrel Repel, pondering whether the time is right to unleash its contents.

Last year, a bushy-tailed friend stormed the attic and decided to squat. Loudly. He left for work early, chewed his way through various materials and wore Doc Marten boots. After a call to pest control, the Squirrel Squad arrived in the kitchen, talking through their high-tech plan. Taser guns were not on the agenda; these highly trained individuals unleashed a small cage and a bag of nuts. Bloody genius. I nearly passed out. ONE HUNDRED POUNDS FOLKS! Christ.

The trap was set, my nut soldier would return to check the content every day or so… Or so.

It may or may not surprise you to learn that squirrels have no concept of bank holidays. Tufty fell foul of the snare Friday evening, presenting us with a rattling cage containing one massive hissing rodent.

Managing to dangle the cage through the house, I took him to the dungeon (the shed). I locked him away, occasionally peeping in to offer nuts and liquid refreshment to one angry fur ball. Boy did that cage rock.

Research shows that these creatures will return to the EXACT same spot if released a few miles away, resulting in the husband taking Sandy Cheeks on a long drive in the boot of his car then releasing him into the wilds. Of Dewsbury.

I’ll be shaking my repellent out of the kitchen door pretty soon to these beautiful pieces of music, avoiding more new arrivals creating devastation and stinky squirrel piss patches.

On the boil: Arrival by Dustin O’Halloran & Hauschka from the album Lion (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)

This piece has been gently bubbling in my kitchen all month. O’Halloran is an American pianist and composer based between creative mecca Berlin and La La Land, LA. Most recently he was nominated for the score for the film Lion, from which this haunting piece is snaffled.

Dev Patel and Nicole Kidman head up the cast, but the real star is five-year-old Sunny Pawar. Lion is the true story of a young Indian boy who got lost and was adopted by an Australian couple. The film follows his search for himself and his journey to find his Indian family.

You don’t need a classical ear for O’Halloran to take you directly to depths of emotion and when Arrival is fully unleashed in Lion, there were Warburton tears. It’s simply amazing music. No words are used in the film for the scene when Saroo eventually arrives back to his childhood home. O’Halloran’s sound pierces more than words ever could.

The Leftovers album coverSimmering: The Departure by Max Richter from the album The Leftovers

Max Richter is a true genius and one of the most renowned contemporary composers around. Born in Germany but raised in Bedford, England, his classical training led him towards musical minimalism.

This 50-year-old master tinkler of the ivories has worked across ballet, opera and stage and found his niche in transcending the boundaries from classical to electronic styles, blending modern technology with those ancient keys.

His back catalogue is extensive and includes his work Sleep, an eight-hour lullaby which aired overnight on 27 September 2015.

The Departure was composed for the series The Leftovers (2014) on HBO. This piece kicks off episode one and sets the bleak scene for the show. Championed for his sweeping piano and strings, all deeply embedded in the tapestry of electronic sound, The Departure is an exceptional introduction to Richter’s work.

In the deep freeze: Suspicious Minds by Elvis Presley from the album Elvis Live in Vegas

The King leaves my deep freeze and provides his subjects with the opening line to Suspicious Minds, “We’re caught in a trap”; the perfect choice for squirrel catching.

Elvis live in Vegas coverOne of the most famous songs of Elvis’s career, Suspicious Minds was his 18th number one in the USA and marked his comeback in 1969 following seven years without a number one single.

Memphis singer Mark James penned and recorded this classic but it needed Presley to wrap his larynx around it to become a legendary hit. Yes, it is a cover version.

The song was recorded one night between 4am and 7am, just before the infamous Memphis sessions. Producer Chips Moman put the country and soul back into Presley’s sound; Elvis took his throne once again with his live in Vegas sessions in 1969.

Suspicious Minds’ repetitive ending steadily whips the listener into a louder and faster frenzy. This horn driven knee-trembler is a timeless floor filler and provides the perfect uptempo choice for squirrel repellent sprinkling. Elvis and the squirrel have left the building. Thankyouverymuch.

Get down to all of Vicky’s kitchen gig choices here.


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Written by Vicky Lindsay Warburton

Vicky is reintegrating back into society as her children are now in school. She teaches mindfulness to teenagers, wears trainers and paddles through the nonsense of life.