Sick of being the only grey-tinged gal amid an ocean of bald blokes at gigs, Vicky Lindsay Warburton decided to start holding her own. Kind of. Grab your utensils and get ready to mosh not mash.
Naked earlobes were also banished from my kitchen as I’d splashed out on a pair of delicate leaf earrings from the epicentre of independent traders and lesbians, the much-loved Hebden Bridge.
The kitchen initiation ceremony of any new ear furniture involves lowering into boiled water. The new lobe fellows were attached to a small piece of fancy card, left next to the kettle waiting patiently for dunking. Days went by as I was caught up in fun activities, such as wiping kids’ skid marks off settees or wondering how to clean up a bottle of rapeseed oil dropped on the kitchen dancefloor.
Mr Warb hasn’t an eye for the delicate things in life and whizzed out my earring treasure along with the pile of old tea bags next to it. After days of deliberation, marigold-clad, I attacked.
My tactics: root slowly through compacted crap. Be thrilled to discover that days can be identified through compressed layers of food (now rotten), old stained pants of thunder (now rotten) and a layer of decaying teabags.
Stig of the Kitchen was frantic with the swift clawing of yellow rubber fingers. The tectonic plates of bin bag were moving. Poooaawwhh it stank. The hunt was on. But reader, there was nothing. Nada, bugger all, nowt. The mission left only a traumatic bin bag containment situation ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR and bereft, still naked, ear lobes.
Let me tell you, though: these tracks saw me through my excavation, selected only for positive uplifting vibes to keep spirits high, even while rifling through bin bags. 2017: WELCOME.
Do you know Wilco? If not, here it is, your new year’s resolution, better late than never: get to know them. They will feed your soul and grow your heart.
Schmilco is the Chicago rockers’ 10th album, offering (their usual) sweet melodies and warm Americana. It concerns itself with the adolescent memories of their monumental frontman, Mr Jeff Tweedy and is the ying to last year’s yang, the experimental album Star Wars.
Standout track If Ever I Was a Child is a must for the middle-aged muso. And even if you’re elbow-high in bin liner, Wilco will love you.
This rootsy blues and bluegrass duo’s stomping track is going to have you strutting the length of your kitchen dance floor. The Bushwick neighbourhood in Brooklyn provides a creative dwelling for the partnership of Amy Priya and Stephen Sunshine, who bring the borough’s stories to life on A Brooklyn Biography.
Think 1920s Prohibition bar, leotard, bowler hat and the kitchen stage is yours. Priya makes her double bass sing while Mr Sunshine accompanies her on his lap steel, piano or whatever instrument he chooses to shine through.
The EP was recorded using old-school analogue methods, trying to capture the perfect moment and flying in the face of any computers. A raw, theatrical record from a blend of influences that’s perfect for burnt-out ears after the party season.
The Stone Roses pierced the hearts and minds of a generation and the album’s final track is an eight-minute baggy, Kickers-clad anthem. Released as a single in 1992, this track pulverised anything around at the time, and to this day is *deep breath folks* a stone-cold classic.
Currently back on the road, a fully reunited Stone Roses are tearing up the crowds, but this time it’s not just teenagers in the crowd – all generations are going. Madchester fans, now old balding dads, are taking their sons and daughters with them.
The lads are all household names – Ian Brown, John Squire, Mani and Reni (the god of all drummers) – but can they still play? Does Brown’s voice really cut it live? The word on the street is HELL YEAH, this band is still untouchable and thousands continue to worship in the church of the Stone Roses.
No chance of my earrings being resurrected but this summer second coming is not to be missed. Get baggy.
Get down to all of Vicky’s kitchen gig choices here.
Vicky is reintegrating back into society as her children are now in school. She teaches mindfulness to teenagers, wears trainers and paddles through the nonsense of life.