Written by Hannah Dunleavy


Cowboy Builders

I knew we should’ve gone on the riverboat. Hannah Dunleavy talks episode three of Westworld. CONTAINS SPOILERS.

Teddy (James Marsden) with “dickless associate”. Photos: HBO.

Teddy (James Marsden) with “dickless associate”. Photos: HBO.

After me, the Flood

He’s aptly named, that Teddy, and after confidently predicting last week that shit was about to kick off, the Flood gates certainly opened, with plots linking up into an identifiable sequence of events for the first time. Exciting.

James Marsden got his turn to roll the dice and was central to all the action this week, as his ‘host’ had the particular misfortune of both having his ‘women’ malfunctioning and his recently invented mortal enemy turn up. Still, it is a change from the same day he’s been having since forever.

Teddy’s story is perhaps the best place to dwell on my questions about the workings of Westworld which, despite the most sizeable information dump yet, from Anthony Hopkins’ Ford, remain frustratingly unclear. If Teddy’s bullets at the end, for example, were for nought, it means the gang were humans. (“Oh my fucking God” indeed.) If so, they are clearly, while not full Ed Harris, a bit more into the game than others. Which is to be expected.

But it does raise the question of how sensible it is to send another human, and a woman at that, into the line of fire. Human-on-human violence hasn’t come up at all, when it seems entirely possible that either mistaken identity by some prick with a fork or sheer shitheadedness by a psycho in a Stetson, would make it a pressing issue.

“Who wouldn’t go off with a man who said, ‘I’m riding out, looking for desperadoes’?”

Unless, of course, Teddy’s “dickless associate” is also a host, in which case almost everything he did and said all day was for no purpose other than playing out a narrative (I’ve been there, Teddy mate). Which seems frankly bonkers, as The Man In Black pointed out in the opening episode, as well as a massive waste of resources in an area not entirely abundant in them.

Teddy’s other purpose this week was to act as a mirror to Bernard Lowe. They’re both completely fascinated with Dolores and they were both the subject of uploaded backstory, Teddy having previously just had “a formless guilt you will never atone for”. Like the Catholics.

There’s something about this parallel – as well as the familiarity between Bernard’s flashbacks and the words he used on the phone to his ex-wife (?) about when he first wakes in the morning – that encourages the suggestion that, just as Teddy was a robot we mistook for a man, so Bernard might be too.

Which is all a bit more sci-fi than Western, but fuck it, is interesting all the same.

Elsie (Shannon Woodward) planning her busman's holiday.

Elsie (Shannon Woodward) planning her busman’s holiday.

The zombie in the well

There was something of The Walking Dead about Elsie and Ashley (who I’ve just noticed is played by A N Other Hemsworth) as they searched for a mindless creature who was butting repeatedly up against an immovable object. Right up to the point it wasn’t.

It does seem there should be an easier way to round ‘strays’ up, but it was an enjoyable enough detour and it ended with a robot smashing itself to ‘death’ with a rock. Still, you get a staff discount if you want a busman’s holiday, so it’s not all bad.

Other things

First time I’ve noticed the director this week and it was Neil Marshall, of Dog Soldiers and The Descent fame. He also directed one of the best episodes of Game of Thrones ever, ‘Blackwater’. Boom with my TV facts.

Dolores’ resting face. That is all.

Who wouldn’t go off with a man who said, “I’m riding out, looking for desperadoes”?

Although to be fair, the guy that said “I told you we should’ve gone on the riverboat thing.” That would also be me.

William and Logan are about to be brothers-in-law. Which means Stag might end up only TV’s second most horrific stag do by year’s end.

I spotted Orion in the whittling. I have no way of proving this. But there you have it.

Wyatt’s philosophy about who owns the land seemed like a charter for buy-to-let landlords if you ask me.

Funny how Ford didn’t consider option three when reprimanding the scientists for covering the host: “I don’t want to have a realistic human cock in my line of vision all day.”

Catch up on previous Westworld happenings here.


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Written by Hannah Dunleavy

Hannah Dunleavy is the deputy editor of Standard Issue. She likes whisky and not having to run anywhere.